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Water Jokes

A minister is driving down to New York to see a show and he''s stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" And the minister says, "Just water." The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?" And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He''s done it again!"


One day when Satan and God were having a weekly meeting (something Satan had started a few years previously. He got the idea from a new breed of residents called management consultants that had turned up in hell and told the most awful lies about how they had improved everything in their earthly life. In reality they had actually caused hell on earth), Satan started to boast that he was cleaning up the part of hell where he had to live. As a result of some engineering there was now clean water and no waste and corruption at all in his part of hell.

God got quite annoyed at this and said that all engineers belong in heaven not hell. Satan said, "Well some people who had once been engineers, had become managers instead and had slipped your net, but they still knew enough about engineering to do some good".


A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, "Grandfather, are these plates clean?" His grandfather replies, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal." That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate so again he asked, "Grandfather are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says, "I told you those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don''t ask me about it anymore." Well, later that day, they were on their way out to get dinner. As he was leaving the house, grandfather''s dog who was lying on the floor started to growl and would not let him pass. "Grandfather, your dog won''t let me out." Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, his grandfather shouted, "Coldwater, get out of the way!"


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Water Quotes

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
Mark Twain, US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)

Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but hard to swallow.
Arthur Stringer, "The Silver Poppy"

Water is the most neglected nutrient in your diet but one of the most vital.
Kelly Barton

A man may well bring a horse to the water but he cannot make him drink.
John Heywood, English dramatist & epigrammist (1497 - 1580)

[Water is] the only drink for a wise man.
Henry David Thoreau, US Transcendentalist author (1817 - 1862)

When you drink the water, remember the spring.
Chinese Proverb


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